The Mask You Live In - Trailer

i fucking hate being single.

it’s not fashionable to say that these days. everywhere i look, on fetlife, on ‘vanila’ social-networking sites, in ‘lifestyle’ articles (no not that ‘lifestyle’, the other ‘lifestyle’) on yahoo and similar portal sites, people are writing about how they are ok with being single, happy with their own company. well hurray for you, you shiny happy fucking people. i’m so fucking happy for you. fucking yay.

fuck that shit. go look in a mirror and think about what you see. why do you think we evolved with two arms? why not one? or three? because two is the optimum number of arms for hugging with, duh!

if you happen to have only one arm, please don’t be offended, i don’t mean to exclude you, i’m just talking about the general case here. i’m sure your hugs are awesome too. if you happen to have three arms - we need to meet. seriously. message me. i mean, like, now.

where the fuck was i? oh yeah …

why do you think we get nervous and get that urge to look over our shoulders when we’re alone in the dark? because those of our ancestors who lacked that gene became catfood before they got the chance to reproduce, that’s fucking why!

we evolved with lips and tongues, fingers, penises and vaginas, clitorises (clitori?) and rectums. we did not evolve with built-in hitachi magic wands.

i rest my fucking case!

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i miss text messages, and e-mails, and on-line chats. i miss packing my bag on thursday night so i could go to her straight from work on friday. i miss the long drive on friday evenings, every minute and every mile taking me closer to her.

i miss getting to her place before she got home from work and waiting for her. i miss her smile when she walked through the door. i miss her hugs.

i miss her cooking. i miss drinking cider and watching the sunset. i miss listening to jeff buckley with her. i miss her singing 'sweet thing' to me. i miss her placing my collar around my neck. i miss kneeling at her feet with my head in her lap and her hands in my hair.

i miss being told to get naked. i miss dancing naked in the rain in her garden. i miss being bent over the back of her sofa. i miss the sting of the cane, the thud of the paddle, the slap of her bare hand.

i miss going down on her. i miss her hands on my body. i miss being teased and tormented. i miss being frustrated to the point of tears.

i miss the orgasms given and the orgasms denied. i miss the smell and taste of her. i miss the touch and the sight and the sound of her.

i miss her.

dear silly people,

i am a person. a complete human being. i am not a collection of body parts. i am not defined by my sex, nor by my gender. i am not like any other transgendered person, just because we both happen to be transgendered, any more than a cisgendered person is like any other cisgendered person, just because they are both cisgendered. i am unique - just like everyone else.

i do not need you to tell me that you don't have a problem with my being transgendered. do you go around telling cisgendered people that you don't have a problem with that? do you think i need your approval? do you think you are the arbiter of what it is ok for me to be?

i will assume that you do not have a problem with me being me unless you give me reason to think otherwise. and if you do, i really do not give a fuck.

thank you, that is all.

a friend told me a while back that i was 'seen as too nice'. i didn't get it at the time. how can you be 'too nice'? but something happened recently that brought it all home for me. being too nice, apparently, is walking around with a big 'use me - and not in the good way' sign tattooed on your back.

if you let people take advantage of you, some of them will. not all of them, thankfully, there are good, kind, generous, noble people out there who will not take advantage of you, but there are, sadly, way too many of the other kind, too.

i knew this, of course. you don't get to my age without learning that there are selfish, manipulative people out there. but somehow, despite the years and the experience, i still don't expect it in people i meet. i'm not sure that i want to become the sort of person who expects it, who trusts no-one and is suspicious of everyone, or worse, the kind who believes in taking advantage of others 'before they take advantage of you'.

i am, however, getting rather tired of being taken advantage of, and finally, after all these years, i think i've learned a basic lesson that i really should have learned a long time ago, which is that if they do it once, they'll do it again if you let them. so i've resolved on a 'one strike and you're out' policy.

fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice ... nah, i ain't stickin' around for that to happen any more.

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