ow! my bum hurts! i have bruises on my bruises!
i almost didn't go to nimhneach on saturday. it snowed, i had no one to go with this month, and i'd just realized that something on which i'd set my heart is never going to happen. but i haven't missed nimhneach once since it moved to the academy, and it would be a shame to break an unbroken record! and it turned out a good night after all! i met up with some friends at the club, and ended up getting soundly spanked by three lovely ladies - all at the same time!
thank you, ladies! you know who you are!
Monday, 29 November 2010
Friday, 26 November 2010
last weekend J and L came down from belfast and we went to a party at D's. D has his attic converted into a dungeon with a hoist and a spanking bench and a cage and all sorts of good stuff! so it's kinda strange that so many people spend so much time at D's parties in the kitchen! proximity to the back door and the smoking area is probably the attraction, i guess! having given up smoking myself way back in 2004, i had forgotten just how much a smoker's life revolves around the habit!
it was fun watching O and C play with L. C, who i'd only ever seen before in a submissive role, was a revelation - lot's of tender, gentle kissing and nibbling punctuated with sudden, sharp slaps! beautiful to watch and judging from L's reactions must have been a lot of fun to experience, too.
i had mentioned to J recently that she has a habit of easing off and / or switching implements very quickly as soon as i start showing signs of pain. i said it was ok to push it a bit. i guess she must have been taking notes, because that's exactly what she did this time! i got the hardest flogging and spanking i've ever had! each time i found myself on the edge of what i could stand, instead of easing off as she always has before, she pushed it just that little bit further. and i loved it!
there is, unfortunately, a price to be paid for an intense session like that - and not just the fact that my bum is still tender and bruised, and i probably won't be able to have much fun at nimhneach this weekend! no the real price was paid during the week, all week.
the emotions generated during and after a session like that run deep. i've been feeling lonely and clingy and insecure all week. felt like i was almost on the verge of panic at times. i need hugs, and i can't get them - not while J is in belfast and i'm in dublin! but thankfully the week is almost over now.
is it worth it? i'm not sure the question can be answered. i'm not sure i have a choice. could i really give it up now? i almost wrote could i go back to a vanilla life, but did i really ever have a vanilla life? there was a time when i didn't get to play, but that's not the same thing.
it was fun watching O and C play with L. C, who i'd only ever seen before in a submissive role, was a revelation - lot's of tender, gentle kissing and nibbling punctuated with sudden, sharp slaps! beautiful to watch and judging from L's reactions must have been a lot of fun to experience, too.
i had mentioned to J recently that she has a habit of easing off and / or switching implements very quickly as soon as i start showing signs of pain. i said it was ok to push it a bit. i guess she must have been taking notes, because that's exactly what she did this time! i got the hardest flogging and spanking i've ever had! each time i found myself on the edge of what i could stand, instead of easing off as she always has before, she pushed it just that little bit further. and i loved it!
there is, unfortunately, a price to be paid for an intense session like that - and not just the fact that my bum is still tender and bruised, and i probably won't be able to have much fun at nimhneach this weekend! no the real price was paid during the week, all week.
the emotions generated during and after a session like that run deep. i've been feeling lonely and clingy and insecure all week. felt like i was almost on the verge of panic at times. i need hugs, and i can't get them - not while J is in belfast and i'm in dublin! but thankfully the week is almost over now.
is it worth it? i'm not sure the question can be answered. i'm not sure i have a choice. could i really give it up now? i almost wrote could i go back to a vanilla life, but did i really ever have a vanilla life? there was a time when i didn't get to play, but that's not the same thing.
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
weekend before last, i was at the inaugural event of the 'shamrock spanking society'. i know, i know, it's a truly cringe-worthy name. but don't let that put you off. the people are lovely and the event was a great success.
the venue was wonderfully atmospheric. the rooms were a bit cold at night, but hey, that's what cuddling is for. ok, that's one of the things cuddling is for! i'm not sure of exact numbers but think there must have been about 100 of us. we had the hotel booked out between us. i was, as far as i know, the only transgendered person at the party. that was a bit scary, but everyone was friendly. well apart from one poor young barman, who wasn't unfriendly, but appeared to be frightened out of his wits! anyway facing down scary situations like that is liberating. well it was for me. hopefully it was for the barman too! everything was well organised, with the possible exception of the music, but at events like these, with such a broad spectrum of ages and tastes, it's notoriously impossible to satisfy everyone when it comes to music. and no one was there for the music anyway.
we were, of course, there for the spanking. which is where things kinda fell apart for me. it was, for me personally, a spanking party with very little spanking! but that was down to personal circumstances, no fault of the event organisers. there was plenty of spanking going on. just for other people. not for me. boo! ah well, i got to make up for that last weekend, which i'll tell you all about later.
anyway, if you're into spanking and / or being spanked, check out the shamrock spanking society. just google it. oh ok, i'll do it for you, see what a nice person i am?
http://www.google.ie/search?q=shamrock+spanking+society
the venue was wonderfully atmospheric. the rooms were a bit cold at night, but hey, that's what cuddling is for. ok, that's one of the things cuddling is for! i'm not sure of exact numbers but think there must have been about 100 of us. we had the hotel booked out between us. i was, as far as i know, the only transgendered person at the party. that was a bit scary, but everyone was friendly. well apart from one poor young barman, who wasn't unfriendly, but appeared to be frightened out of his wits! anyway facing down scary situations like that is liberating. well it was for me. hopefully it was for the barman too! everything was well organised, with the possible exception of the music, but at events like these, with such a broad spectrum of ages and tastes, it's notoriously impossible to satisfy everyone when it comes to music. and no one was there for the music anyway.
we were, of course, there for the spanking. which is where things kinda fell apart for me. it was, for me personally, a spanking party with very little spanking! but that was down to personal circumstances, no fault of the event organisers. there was plenty of spanking going on. just for other people. not for me. boo! ah well, i got to make up for that last weekend, which i'll tell you all about later.
anyway, if you're into spanking and / or being spanked, check out the shamrock spanking society. just google it. oh ok, i'll do it for you, see what a nice person i am?
http://www.google.ie/search?q=shamrock+spanking+society
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
i wasn't expecting much play last weekend. poor J was recovering from dental surgery! i was expecting to spend the weekend keeping her company and looking after her. i didn't think she'd be in the mood for kinkiness. i should have known better!
the hints that things might turn out differently began before i'd even left dublin, with teasing on-line and text messages. my hopes were raised! and then in the event friday night turned out to be a quiet night after all. we watched a movie and went to bed. J teased and aroused me and then went to sleep! hopes dashed! but the weekend was still young!
on saturday we went to the diwali and samhain festival at the ulster museum for some nepalese food and irish music! it was fun, but rather cold, so we didn't stay very long!
back at J's place that night, she described her plans for me!
for some time now, J has been threatening / promising to use her anal hook on me! it looks like this ...
tonight, i was informed, was to be the night of the anal hook! J was going to insert the hook in me, tie me up, and then do some needle play!
things didn't go quite according to plan! no sooner was the hook in than we realised that the experience was so intense all by itself that the addition of rope bondage and needle play would have been more than i could stand! having the hook in was like being right on the edge of orgasm - and staying there! the least movement sent me into sensory overload! of course J took advantage of this by spanking me to make me squirm! and then she brought out the hitachi!
before the night was over i was pleading to be allowed an orgasm! J kept me begging and pleading for what seemed like ages, but eventually relented and allowed me one!
on sunday we enjoyed the needle-play that we'd had to postpone on saturday. two pentagrams on my back, corset-style lacing on my bum, and more corset-style lacing binding my thighs together. later there was more teasing, and more begging. but this time J did not relent! she brought me right to the edge of orgasm - and stopped!
this was the last night of our weekend. in the morning i had to leave belfast and drive back to dublin, and i won't see J again for two weeks.
i lay awake that night, listening to J's breathing, struggling with sexual frustration and emotional conflict. on one level i was angry with J. how could she do this to me? on another level i was grateful. this was, after all, what i wanted. the psychological aspect of submission is important to me. i want to be controlled, and J had just very decisively established her control! and of course i will never again take an orgasm for granted with J! every time we play i will be wondering ... will she? won't she? and the sexual excitement is all the more intense for that!
it was an emotionally intense experience - perhaps almost as intense on the emotional level as the anal hook the day before was intense on the physical level. when morning came i was feeling clingy and vulnerable. i wanted cuddles and reassurance. but it wasn't to be. i needed to get back to dublin for work and poor J was still suffering the effects of dental surgery, and not really in any condition for deep and meaningful conversation at five o'clock in the morning!
monday was a strange day. i felt disoriented, out of step with the mundane world to which i had returned. something had been interrupted, left unfinished, and was going to keep nagging at me until i completed it. and no, i don't mean the orgasm! i needed to talk to J, to tell her how i was feeling, to reaffirm the bond.
fortunately, we were able to chat on-line that night. i described to J how i was feeling, much as i've described it here. that was all i needed, really, as soon as i'd told her, i felt better. though we did agree that next time it might be better to pick a day when we're not going to have to part so early the next morning!
the hints that things might turn out differently began before i'd even left dublin, with teasing on-line and text messages. my hopes were raised! and then in the event friday night turned out to be a quiet night after all. we watched a movie and went to bed. J teased and aroused me and then went to sleep! hopes dashed! but the weekend was still young!
on saturday we went to the diwali and samhain festival at the ulster museum for some nepalese food and irish music! it was fun, but rather cold, so we didn't stay very long!
back at J's place that night, she described her plans for me!
for some time now, J has been threatening / promising to use her anal hook on me! it looks like this ...
tonight, i was informed, was to be the night of the anal hook! J was going to insert the hook in me, tie me up, and then do some needle play!
things didn't go quite according to plan! no sooner was the hook in than we realised that the experience was so intense all by itself that the addition of rope bondage and needle play would have been more than i could stand! having the hook in was like being right on the edge of orgasm - and staying there! the least movement sent me into sensory overload! of course J took advantage of this by spanking me to make me squirm! and then she brought out the hitachi!
before the night was over i was pleading to be allowed an orgasm! J kept me begging and pleading for what seemed like ages, but eventually relented and allowed me one!
on sunday we enjoyed the needle-play that we'd had to postpone on saturday. two pentagrams on my back, corset-style lacing on my bum, and more corset-style lacing binding my thighs together. later there was more teasing, and more begging. but this time J did not relent! she brought me right to the edge of orgasm - and stopped!
this was the last night of our weekend. in the morning i had to leave belfast and drive back to dublin, and i won't see J again for two weeks.
i lay awake that night, listening to J's breathing, struggling with sexual frustration and emotional conflict. on one level i was angry with J. how could she do this to me? on another level i was grateful. this was, after all, what i wanted. the psychological aspect of submission is important to me. i want to be controlled, and J had just very decisively established her control! and of course i will never again take an orgasm for granted with J! every time we play i will be wondering ... will she? won't she? and the sexual excitement is all the more intense for that!
it was an emotionally intense experience - perhaps almost as intense on the emotional level as the anal hook the day before was intense on the physical level. when morning came i was feeling clingy and vulnerable. i wanted cuddles and reassurance. but it wasn't to be. i needed to get back to dublin for work and poor J was still suffering the effects of dental surgery, and not really in any condition for deep and meaningful conversation at five o'clock in the morning!
monday was a strange day. i felt disoriented, out of step with the mundane world to which i had returned. something had been interrupted, left unfinished, and was going to keep nagging at me until i completed it. and no, i don't mean the orgasm! i needed to talk to J, to tell her how i was feeling, to reaffirm the bond.
fortunately, we were able to chat on-line that night. i described to J how i was feeling, much as i've described it here. that was all i needed, really, as soon as i'd told her, i felt better. though we did agree that next time it might be better to pick a day when we're not going to have to part so early the next morning!
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Monday, 1 November 2010
saturday was a busy day! a needle-play workshop in the afternoon, and nimhneach that night!
the workshop was an especially interesting one for me for two reasons. one because it was presented by friends of mine, and two because it was on a subject that is becoming close to my heart, needle-play.
J and i have done needle-play twice now, and the second time in particular was a very intense experience, for both of us. one of the presenters at the workshop is a physiologist, and one is a doctor, so it was interesting and reassuring to get the scientific and medical views! there was also a breaking-the-ice, getting-to-know-each-other table-quiz, which my team won, yay! and J told everyone that the time she put 105 needles in me was the most intense bdsm experience she's had so far, i was so proud!
after the workshop (and a very yummie meal in a nice chinese restaurant) we went back to the apartment that we had rented for the night and hung out there until it was time to get dressed up for nimhneach. it was halloween - well actually sunday was halloween, but saturday kinda became unofficial halloween for most people because, well because who wants to celebrate halloween on a sunday when you have to be up for work on monday morning? i wore my devil-girl outfit complete with tacky little red plastic horns, tail, and pitchfork! once again we walked the length of o'connell street to get to the club, an invigorating if somewhat nervous - and draughty! - experience!
at the club J caught me somewhat by surprise by leading me to the frame for a good flogging quite early in the night! she usually tends to wait until later. it was nice to get started earlier, set me up in the best mood for the rest of the night! we danced, and J sang 'you look good on the dance-floor' to me! i would have sung it back, but you really don't want to hear me trying to sing! trust me, you just don't!
later, when J was playfully threatening me with a flogger, i grabbed it from her, turned the tables on her and gave her a flogging instead!
this is something i've very rarely done before. i don't really consider myself a switch, i don't think i have a dominant side. but i did enjoy giving J something that i knew she would enjoy, and i do enjoy showing off, so i quite enjoyed the display of physical co-ordination! given that i have very little experience of flogging anyone, it was probably a bit arrogant of me to assume that i had any skill to show off. but i used to have a job that required a lot of fast, accurate, coordinated movement. when you do something several hours a day, several days a week, for years, you don't forget it in a hurry! i was fairly sure that the skills i learned back then would cross over, and judging from the feedback i got i don't seem to have been too far wrong.
it was a little disconcerting afterwards that J ran happily off to say hi to an old friend she'd spotted in the crowd while i was flogging her, while i turned to our other friends, clutched my flogging arm, and said 'ow!' i'm not sure just which one of us was in the most pain at that point! they don't call J 'kevlar-bum' for nothing!
the workshop was an especially interesting one for me for two reasons. one because it was presented by friends of mine, and two because it was on a subject that is becoming close to my heart, needle-play.
J and i have done needle-play twice now, and the second time in particular was a very intense experience, for both of us. one of the presenters at the workshop is a physiologist, and one is a doctor, so it was interesting and reassuring to get the scientific and medical views! there was also a breaking-the-ice, getting-to-know-each-other table-quiz, which my team won, yay! and J told everyone that the time she put 105 needles in me was the most intense bdsm experience she's had so far, i was so proud!
after the workshop (and a very yummie meal in a nice chinese restaurant) we went back to the apartment that we had rented for the night and hung out there until it was time to get dressed up for nimhneach. it was halloween - well actually sunday was halloween, but saturday kinda became unofficial halloween for most people because, well because who wants to celebrate halloween on a sunday when you have to be up for work on monday morning? i wore my devil-girl outfit complete with tacky little red plastic horns, tail, and pitchfork! once again we walked the length of o'connell street to get to the club, an invigorating if somewhat nervous - and draughty! - experience!
at the club J caught me somewhat by surprise by leading me to the frame for a good flogging quite early in the night! she usually tends to wait until later. it was nice to get started earlier, set me up in the best mood for the rest of the night! we danced, and J sang 'you look good on the dance-floor' to me! i would have sung it back, but you really don't want to hear me trying to sing! trust me, you just don't!
later, when J was playfully threatening me with a flogger, i grabbed it from her, turned the tables on her and gave her a flogging instead!
this is something i've very rarely done before. i don't really consider myself a switch, i don't think i have a dominant side. but i did enjoy giving J something that i knew she would enjoy, and i do enjoy showing off, so i quite enjoyed the display of physical co-ordination! given that i have very little experience of flogging anyone, it was probably a bit arrogant of me to assume that i had any skill to show off. but i used to have a job that required a lot of fast, accurate, coordinated movement. when you do something several hours a day, several days a week, for years, you don't forget it in a hurry! i was fairly sure that the skills i learned back then would cross over, and judging from the feedback i got i don't seem to have been too far wrong.
it was a little disconcerting afterwards that J ran happily off to say hi to an old friend she'd spotted in the crowd while i was flogging her, while i turned to our other friends, clutched my flogging arm, and said 'ow!' i'm not sure just which one of us was in the most pain at that point! they don't call J 'kevlar-bum' for nothing!
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