i fucking hate being single.
it’s not fashionable to say that these days. everywhere i look, on fetlife, on ‘vanila’ social-networking sites, in ‘lifestyle’ articles (no not that ‘lifestyle’, the other ‘lifestyle’) on yahoo and similar portal sites, people are writing about how they are ok with being single, happy with their own company. well hurray for you, you shiny happy fucking people. i’m so fucking happy for you. fucking yay.
fuck that shit. go look in a mirror and think about what you see. why do you think we evolved with two arms? why not one? or three? because two is the optimum number of arms for hugging with, duh!
if you happen to have only one arm, please don’t be offended, i don’t mean to exclude you, i’m just talking about the general case here. i’m sure your hugs are awesome too. if you happen to have three arms - we need to meet. seriously. message me. i mean, like, now.
where the fuck was i? oh yeah …
why do you think we get nervous and get that urge to look over our shoulders when we’re alone in the dark? because those of our ancestors who lacked that gene became catfood before they got the chance to reproduce, that’s fucking why!
we evolved with lips and tongues, fingers, penises and vaginas, clitorises (clitori?) and rectums. we did not evolve with built-in hitachi magic wands.
i rest my fucking case!
