and so i find myself alone again. without a Domme, without a lover, and, in a separate and unrelated development, about to become without a house-mate and in search of a new home.

i'm feeling lost, abandoned, sad, angry, confused and scared. there are times when i'm doing mundane, ordinary things, at the supermarket or on my lunch-time walk in the park, and i feel i cannot take another step, i just want to lie down right there where i am, curl up and cry my eyes out.

and while all this turmoil churns below the surface, life must go on, work must be done, money must be earned, bills must be paid. i go through my days smiling and nodding, while inside i'm screaming.