given the afore-mentioned scarcity of dominant women, i've been lucky to have met, played with, and become friends with, quite a few dominant women these last few years.

it hasn't been entirely a matter of luck, of course. i think i can claim to be a pretty good sub. and i've been persistent. no i don't mean i've made a nuisance of myself. i'm not one of those people who sends the same message to every woman who gives the least hint that she might be dominant - or in some cases, even to those who don't. no by being persistent i mean that i've kept going to munches, workshops, parties and events, even when i was feeling discouraged and had to force myself to keep going.  i've networked. if good luck found me, it found me because i put myself in its path.

it's been the proverbial roller-coaster of a ride. if i may be forgiven for mixing my metaphors, it's also been somewhat like riding a horse, including being thrown off a couple of times and forcing myself to climb back in the saddle.

i've had some mind-blowing experiences. i've been flogged, whipped, paddled, caned, and spanked. i've experienced clamps, clothes pegs, bondage, cbt, strap-ons and anal hooks. i've had 105 needles stuck in my back, and i've looked into my Domme's eyes as she stuck needles in my breast. i've been bound to a-frames and crosses and walked naked through woods. i've experienced tease and denial and orgasm control.

there has been pain, not all of it pleasurable, and not all of it physical. i've fallen in love and i've hurt like hell when that love was unrequited. looking back, if i could have seen the future, i'm not sure that i would have done anything differently. even knowing the pain that lay ahead, i'm not sure that i would have chosen to avoid it, if doing so meant sacrificing the good times, the positive experiences, the friendships that i made and the lessons that i learned along the way.

but now that i find myself facing again that same choice, do i have i have it in me to start over again? the metaphorical horse stands there before me, huffing. is she apologising for having thrown me, or laughing at me? is she inviting me to climb back in the saddle, or daring me to? do i have the strength to accept the challenge one more time?