writing about my coffee-control fantasy here might have been a mistake. J does read this blog. which means, of course, that writing about just about anything here might be a mistake. including the subject of this post. ah well. keeping secrets from J isn't really an option at this stage anyway.

it started on monday evening. we were chatting in the alternativeni.co.uk chat room when J informed me that i was forbidden coffee or wine until further notice. i'd just made a cup of coffee and taken my first sip. i asked if i was allowed to finish it before the ban started, but no, i wasn't. i got up and poured it down the sink. J told me that i wasn't allowed another until midday on tuesday.

that cup of coffee at midday on tuesday was almost orgasmic. i sent J a text message and back came the reply: 'enjoy it, because it's your last until midday tomorrow'.

i did some serious begging in the chat room on tuesday night, and eventually J relented to the extent that i was allowed one cup of coffee on tuesday evening - but only on condition that today's midday cup got pushed back to two in the afternoon!

if you're a non coffee drinker, or a light coffee drinker, you're probably wondering what all the fuss is about. if you're a heavy coffee drinker, you'll know what i'm going through. i'm restless, irritable, and have the attention span of a goldfish. it's almost as bad as when i stopped smoking. coffee drinking is such an habitual part of my daily routine that i keep walking into the kitchen and picking up the kettle before suddenly remembering the ban.

so why do i do it? because i love the control, the submission. i just wish J was here in person, so that i could look into her eyes as i beg, so that she could see the gratitude in my eyes when she relents - and the acceptance when she doesn't.

soon, thankfully. soon.